monsters and games
makes my eyes go blurry
no sleep and thinking
makes everything go in such a hurry
just standing and listening
to this wide, open world
where I may love fiercely
and live freely
My view on life and death
03Dec08
These last few weeks have been a blur. trying to deal with and accept a close friend’s death is not an easy thing for me. It’s a hard, horrible, painful, demoralizing, heart breaking, heavy burden….. Why did she have to die? because of our free will? because of the evil free will brings? Death has become more real and existent to me than I ever wanted it to be. It scares me. In my life, my friends were the only real family I had. To lose one so close to me breaks my heart and angers me. each day seems dimmer, each step seems heavier. To know I will never talk to her again, never see her again, never hear her laughter again.. She was like a sister to me. I’ve finally accepted her death, but it changes nothing. not my pain, not my tears. It also makes me wonder about my own life. Am I living life? or am I only surviving it? The more I try to break out of my stagnant existence, the more I seem to be dragged inexorably dragged back into it. In reality, I want a simple life, A house, a family, my friends, and thats pretty much it. I want to able to support my family, but money is not a big deal to me. I’ve seen the corruption it causes. and I’ve seen it in me as well. If I can achieve that goal, then I think my life would be complete. All of these complexities people create to justify their existence only dilutes the flavor of life. I think anyway. Death and life. If death never existed, would anyone be able to truly live?
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Misty
27Nov08
Misty, Misty
What friends we were
crazy and spastic, that never did deter
We talked about everything, through every waking hour
Our fears and Our joys, We knew each others well
Whether for a Birthday or her anniversary with Brad, We always meticulously planned
Thoughts and ideas would always bounce around
Misty, such a friend you are to me
Such a friend I will miss
Your loss scars the depths of my soul
to think that such a wonderful friend and sister is gone
These words will never truly tell
The depth of my anguish, The depth of my Hell
No more rhymes, no more pretty words
Your loss, I will remember
for my soul will never forget
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Depressed
24Jun15
Not to sound complainy, but I wish just one person cared about how I’m feeling, i dont know maybe that’s just too selfish to ask
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Finally
15Feb15
I’m so glad Valentines day is almost over with.
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Senses Wondering
28Nov08
a sense deprived to thee
battling myself in every fashion
indescribably pushing me
I’ve seen nothing
to a heart, it may be something
how can i tell
a surface that can’t explain
a path is made where no one can see
tear down my gate
please leave me in ruin
my heart goes to where it wills
I can’t understand
love is love
with so many forms
at least I understand something
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A Lost Mind
28Nov08
I smile to defeat
I cry to the last
my thoughts lose me
my mind has me
as it tears me asunder
as I battle my demons
tears my heart open to despair
I can’t exist
to my maddening reasoning
to which i know i am
too lost am I
to this fractured world
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A Love, to See, What Must, to Be
28Nov08
Death has come to me
in many different forms
love has abided me
through many different storms
what a sacrifice must be
to love and love again
is a sacrifice to me
a dagger in my heart
pierced straight through
i will sacrifice
for that is what love is to me
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A Butterfly
28Nov08
This colorful, beautiful butterfly
gliding against the gentle wind
Its presence, unknown to many
a sign that true love is coming
something that brings hope to me
despite the words and painful breaks
I still believe in such a true love
that i could attain someday
no more lies
no more suffering
just like that butterfly on the gentle wind
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Chilis
28Nov08
everyone it seems
is in their own section of the universe
taking care to ignore the sections beyond
in the universe that is Chilis
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Bound Freedom
28Nov08
To be free
in more ways than one
would have me soaring away from you
keeping me bound and locked away
without thought and without nothing to say
your distance keeps me from soaring, from being so free
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My Chaotic Storm Called Thoughts 